My busy little world has been constantly thwarted by our friend Cysty, who has overstayed her welcome. It has pushed me into being a bit of a pondering hermit.

I’ve spent a lot of time with myself lately, and without activities to keep my mind from wandering off into the land of analysis, I’ve found myself wanting to change my world and figure out exactly what I’m doing with my time. The funny thing is, I was doing a lot with my time, and a lot of it, happy fun things. I changed and changed and drifted far away from where I had started. This was a good thing in so many more ways than a bad thing. The only way it was a bad thing is that I forgot about my dreams of going to Jurassic Park, kayaking with killer whales, and diving with sharks. Well, while I await Jurassic Park to become a reality, I need to remember the other things.

I’ve been so focused on SO many things that I haven’t been able to progress in others. Riding for example, is starting to fade as I can’t do it right now. But deep down this little tiny sad spark is waiting to be re-ignited again, and I’m struggling through the pain to see the fire on the other side of this ordeal. Now that I have the power to save money, why haven’t I traveled to far off lands to see the animals I always wanted to see? Well, I don’t really have regret because I was still having a good time anyway. It’s just really a time of pondering on what and where I’ve been going. Work wise, I go nowhere, and I still haven’t “figured out what I want to be when I grow up”. I still don’t care as long as I can get by, save for the future, and have a better time than millions of other people suffering in the world (which, that thought, makes me think about how ridiculous it seems to complain about not being focused on dreams that I’m fortunate to even think I could realize in my lifetime). I would love a job that could either enhance my creativity, or save the world, one pet at a time. I’m proud that I have kept up my search consistently for an embarrassingly lonnnng time now.

Being slowed this much makes me feel like I do nothing, like I’ll be forgotten. However, you see who really hangs around or checks on you when you’re living in a hole somewhere, which is appreciated. A tiny email, a texted hello, it makes a world of difference. Which brings me to another analysis, of how I spend my time online. I saw this video this past week which ties into where I’m going with my thoughts lately:

I’m still on Facebook, because without it I feel like I will lose touch. Step one, weening myself off of it for the weekend. Thus far, I haven’t been able to do it, however, I celebrated my boyfriend’s birthday this past week, and I don’t really have any pictures from the actual celebrating. I did that to avoid posting them on Facebook, only to realize at this very moment that I forgot to capture anything for myself, and my personal collection. *DOH*!! Note to self….

On Thursday I made Chicken with Brie and Caramelized Onions, and decorated the living room with chicken balloons. My man thinks he’s going to be a farmer after he retires. While I can easily picture him talking to the fat hens that he will dance around with in the yard, and run in to tell me the  funny things they did, I’m not sure the farming lifestyle is close to our hearts. How ’bout that commune winery with a wine bar on site!!?? Well, we can all have our dreams can’t we? Oh, and the chickens, they are not hanging in the most flattering position because apparently, there is a national helium shortage. Who knew I’d ever have to deal with that problem? It certainly made a different statement than what I thought it would when it came to the chicken balloons…

Brian bday 2013

On Sunday we went to Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant at the London. The food was in the teeny tiny rich boy portions, but damn it was pretty good. The cocktails were all amazing!!! I highly recommend it for a special occasion.

I spent Sunday drawing a carousel horse, and cheating by projecting it onto my big 3ft x 4ft canvas. Well, if other can cheat with digital paintings, I can certainly project an image onto a canvas. It’s going to be purple, black and white, and hopefully, pretty awesome. My other carousel horse needs a friend.

carousel part deux

I had an evening cocktail of a Pumpkin Pie Martini to start the downturn of the weekend on Sunday night. I dream of Fall. But isn’t it funny, in Winter we dream of Spring, in Spring we dream of long Summer days, and in Summer we dream of pumpkin products in Fall. I don’t think I ever hope for winter though. However, never satisfied, that is the human way. It is good for progress and growth, bad for ever relaxing or feeling ultimately satisfied with yourself.

pumpkin pie martini

Now, who wants to try the pumpkin cheesecake martini? If interested, you know my email and my phone number, I still do exist.

Song of the week: Well, I don’t have one. I’m too busy listening to “Law and Disorder: The Legendary FBI Profiler’s Relentless Pursuit of Justice” from Audible, which is fascinating thus far. It’s horrifying in the cases that they review, however, it shows how you can’t be quick to judge the guilty because they may be innocent, and vice versa.